At this job, I feel like we’ve all got established lives outside of work, but we still very much enjoy each other’s company. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the company of my old co-workers, I just didn’t feel the need to get trashed and high with them every weekend, living the life of a college student. I must admit, it’s nice to feel like I am among peers. Sure, we all did end our day with happy hour and a couple drinks, but we all went our own separate ways for the evening to our friends and families and other activities.

I find that work and life balance is important to me. Some people are able to function with little down time and thrive on a full calendar, but the older I get I realize I am not one of those people. I like having time outside of work to relax and enjoy my hobbies and other extracurricular activities. If I only hung out with my co-workers, I would find myself thinking about work 24/7 and would miss out on opportunities to be more involved in the community. I would miss my other friends and family. That’s not to say I don’t want to hang out with my co-workers outside of work. Because I would love the opportunity to get to know them better. But I do find that striking that balance between work, play, life, professional development, friends and family is incredibly important. How important is it to you? How do you find and keep balance in your life?

But honestly, even though my actions (that is, my lack of writing) shows I don’t care, the reality is that I do care. A lot. If I am serious about being a writer and improving my writing, it is essential that I make it a habit. And habits are not formed overnight. It takes diligence and dedication. Not giving up on yourself or giving in to the desire to ignore it or be easily distracted. Even as I write this, I am opening another window to check my Facebook page and see the stream in my Twitter feed. I’ll find anything to do to distract myself from my writing. Why is it that I don’t want to do the very thing that I love and am inspired to do? Is it a subconscious fear of failure? Is it a sense of self-doubt lingering in me, telling me that my writing isn’t good enough?

It is my hope that over the next 30 days, I will be inspired to grow as a writer. That it will be a challenge that I look forward to every day. I know that many writers struggle with motivation and dedication, and I am hoping that this challenge is the kick that I need to overcome it. Not all of my writing will be on this blog, but I will post updates as you follow me in my writing challenge. So, are you inspired? What could you challenge yourself to for 30 days?

Other than that, I have done nothing on my list. When I made it, I was determined to make the most of my free time during the summer. Yeah, that didn’t happen. Where does the time go, anyway? I feel like when I set goals for myself, I end up setting myself up for failure or guilt. Because at the end of the day, I just want to be lazy. Sure, I have my ambitions and things I hope or want to do with my time, but after a long day, usually the television or a book wins out over writing or trying something new.

When did making the most of your time become a guilt-ridden task to check off of your list? When did it become more about performing and feeling a sense of accomplishment rather than doing the things that give me fulfillment? Somehow, I have let my passions dictate me rather than seeking to fulfill the desires of my heart. I have taken my talents and hopes and have made them into a set of rules, of things I must be or do or try. Instead of letting myself be free to live in the joy that God has given me in order to experience the richness of this life, I have let myself feel burdened by yet another thing to do.

So often, our days are measured by what we do or don’t do. We let our schedules and productivity define us. When did it become a bad thing to spend a day with your loved ones, literally doing nothing? Just enjoying the pleasure of one another’s company? Somehow, doing nothing has become synonymous with laziness. Now, I am not saying I want to do nothing every day for the rest of my life. I am saying I don’t want to feel guilty because I haven’t crossed everything off of my list yet. While at the same time, I do want the kick in the pants that I need in order to fulfill the desires God has given me. I need his ambitions and passion in me in order to use my talents.

So then how do I find this balance between ambitious passion, a desire to learn, grow and experience life and use my gifts for the glory of God, and the laziness that pulls me into relationships, quality time with family and friends and much-needed alone time?

That is the dilemma. And I can only pray for a healthy balance. A life without guilt. A life with freedom, lived and experienced to the fullness that God intended.

I think it has something to do with the fact that they know nothing about me. No preconceived notions or ideas of who I am or what I believe or choose to do with my life. It’s an even playing field, so to speak. No one feels better than the other, but this judgment instead is replaced with a genuine desire to know and be kind to the other person.

Perhaps it is because I worry too much about what other people think that I find this so refreshing. New people know nothing about mistakes I’ve made or stories from my past. They see me at face value. There is no tension, other than the usual awkwardness of getting to know new people.

The real question here is: why do I feel judged by those who know me? And, am I just waiting for and fearing new people to discover who I really am – all of my flaws? We all have our flaws, but we spend way too much time trying to hide them from each other. I know I need to learn that no matter the situation, no matter who is in it – friends, family or people I’ve never met – the playing field is always even. Contrary to the thoughts in my mind, no one is assuming the worst of me.

Being around others – whether you just met or have been longtime friends – can be refreshing no matter who you’re with. It’s a matter of letting go of the judgment, the fear of being broken and admitting who you are. If only we could all be that vulnerable, accepting and gracious. Imagine if we lived truly knowing we are loved just as we are, who we are meant to be. And that, in spite of our mistakes, we are given a second chance again and again. And again. It is that same love and grace, free from condemnation and judgment, that we are to extend to each other. It is this kind of acceptance that is the most refreshing.

Today I feel like I need to make my voice heard. Make my struggles known. Make my pain felt. Not that I want to broadcast all of my complaints or doubts, but it is more that I need to get out what it is that torments me. That eats at me. Because I am not alone. And others need to know that they are not alone. None of us is alone. We feel so often that no one will ever know our pain or understand our trials, scars and weaknesses. But that is why we are made for community. To share each other’s burdens. To love one another.

And today, I feel like this is why I am to write. So this may be the end of this blog. Or it may not. This blog may become more focused, or perhaps I will create a new one. Stay tuned for my new posts…somewhere. My focus. My heart. And if I ever write something that you can relate to, please let me know. Because it is not just for my own gratification that I write. I do it for God to be glorified and for lives to be transformed because of Christ in me and in the words that I write. My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to write in such a way that Christ is made known, honored and glorified.

In advertising or public relations, the first thing you want to do when making a plan or implementing any sort of strategy is to identify your target audience. Who are they? What are their behaviors and activities? What do they enjoy? What do they read? Where do they get their information? And the most important question of all: what is it that you want your target audience to do?

It is from these questions that your marketing or public relations strategy forms. In writing, I wonder just how similarly these concepts are. In order to be a successful writer, do we need to identify who it is we are trying to reach? Do we need to single out just who we want to read our writing? What the readers are looking for? What their habits are?

When I write, it is often for myself. Somehow I doubt that my audience can be me if I really want to be a successful writer. So what does this mean? Who is it that I am really trying to influence or touch with my writing? And more importantly, what is it that I really want to write about? What stories do I want to tell?

So many people try to tell the same story in different ways. Books line the shelves promoting self-help, Christian inspiration, mystery, sci-fi or memoirs of yet another story of an eating disorder, loss of a loved one or other traumatic life experience.

The question, the burning question, lingers in the back of my mind: Just what is it that makes me so special? What makes my writing unique? What do I have to offer? What story am I trying to tell – and who do I want to tell it to?

I don’t want to be like everyone else and write a book about my problems and how I deal with them. Or overcoming self-doubt and pity in my life because of the awesomeness of God. Because the reality is, I don’t know how to deal with my problems. And I will likely always struggle with self-doubt and pity. Isn’t that a part of being human?

I know that I have been gifted with writing, but I just don’t know how to best use it. I don’t know what it is I am trying to say or who it is I am trying to reach. So I need a little bit of wisdom here. Whether that’s from God or from other people who may stumble across this blog post. If you do, the question that lingers is: who are you? What would keep you coming back to this blog? What kind of blogs do you enjoy reading? What do you like to read in general? Just who are you, and what would you like me to say? And I must ask myself: what is it that I am trying to say?

I am thankful to be in a place where I feel that I have authority, room to make decisions and grow both personally and professionally. I think this is very important for people to feel in their career in order to be satisfied. Motivated. Challenged. Mundane and comfortable are only satisfying for so long until you realize you are made for more. You are made to use your talents and gifts for a purpose.

I know that I won’t be at my current job forever, but I do know that I am here for a purpose, and that I am being challenged along the way. I am learning new things, pushing myself to greater knowledge and looking for opportunities to strengthen my career and get involved. Never before did I have the desire to “network” or make connections. Sure, I like getting to know new people, but the idea of doing it with some hidden (or not so hidden) agenda of furthering yourself somehow seemed selfish. Little did I know what networking really means.

Building relationships. Friendships. Learning from other people around you. Sharing resources. Stories. Making others aware of opportunities. Being an example. Showing how you can make a difference. Making mistakes and not being afraid to share what you’ve learned from them. Taking what others share with you and applying it to your own path in life, whether personally or professionally.

I am excited to get involved, to learn from the people around me and to be a part of the Des Moines community. Networking isn’t a scary word or even a scary process. It is a part of your life and career to be embraced as you get to know the people around you. So get out and start networking today.

Andrea and I met up in the Quad Cities while Dave visited his family. Even though it had been a year since we’ve seen each other, we picked up just where we left off. I love our friendship. We know each other so well, and there is an understanding and trust there that I have with no other friend in this world. We spent Friday evening catching up and Saturday shopping. We vowed to make our excursions an annual event.

I then met up with Dave and his family. We grilled out for dinner and then went out for a round of miniature golf. As expected, I got my butt kicked, but I had a lot of fun. I’ll never forget the time in college when I went to retrieve my golf ball from the water when I slipped on a rock and fell in. Too funny. Following the round of mini-golf we picked up some fireworks to light up at home. We enjoyed some ice cream and fireworks before calling it a night.

Sunday was a pretty low-key day, with church, lunch and hitting the road back to Des Moines. Dave and I enjoyed a lighter dinner of grilled chicken following a weekend of greasy food. After dinner, we lit our first fire in our new fire pit. We enjoyed a beer and each other’s company as we listened to and watched the neighbors’ fireworks. It was a really enjoyable and relaxing evening with each other.

Today was a day for me. I slept in and went on a long run. While Dave worked in the yard, I enjoyed more sunshine and touched up my toenail polish. Add in some laundry, catching up on my favorite shows and relaxing – today made for a great day. We celebrated the 4th with bacon-wrapped steaks and corn on the cob for dinner. I decided no 4th of July holiday would be complete without ice cream, so I went for an ice cream – or rather, frozen yogurt – run. Kemps Black Jack Cherry. Yum.

My heart and my stomach are full from a great weekend. Makes me wish every weekend was a three-day weekend. And that it was this perfectly warm all year long. I love my friends and family. It’s times like these that make me appreciate them even more. I can’t wait to see my own family when they come to visit in a couple weeks. I am so thankful for and blessed by the wonderful people in my life. Happy 4th of July!